I don't want to grow up so soon





I'd love to remain ignorant and carefree as I used to be -without having to make life-changing decisons and have responsibilities thrown into my lap so soon.



Why do we have to grow up so fast -so soon?



How I wish I could sprinkle on some dust and transport myself to that never-growing-up land and just stay there, leaving behind the messy pile of responsibilities and worries behind.



I don't think I should even be doing all this so soon. It's all happening too soon, it's become one big blur to me.







Dearest Cheryl & Jane,

Thank you so much for encouragement which I really needed these past few days/ past week.

Thank you so much for lending an ear and listening through my tears, worries and confusions aboutt the current alien situation I'm facing right now.

Thank you for offering advice and support when I needed it.

Thank you for being here when my problems overwhelmed me and I didn't know what to do or how to overcome it.

Thank you for just being the caring and loving people that you are.

Thank you for helping me to forget my troubles and worries by indulging with me in the much needed retail therapy.

Above all, thank you for being here for me when I needed it most.


I appreciate all this and I honestly could not ask for more.



To the bestie,

Thanks so much for understanding when others don't and perceive wrongly.




Dear God,

Please please help me perservere in these hard times and make the right decisions and choices which does not hurt anyone I love.



Dearest Jo&Jess, miss you guys loads. Jo, I miss how you were just a phone call away.

I'm too busy chasing dreams to face reality



Have you ever felt like you day dreamed too much?

That you were just dreaming and spending your precious time on that little act that will do you no good except allow you to escape the dreaded situation called reality for that few moments (hours for some of us, hehe -yes guilty, I am) whereby you just let your guard down and allow your heart and your desires to take over ?

Well, I've felt this way often -too often, in fact.

Those are the days whereby I feel as though everything just seems to whiz by. I get up, sit around procrastinating my work by devoiding my attention from it and to the wonderful land of day dreams and before I know it, the day is ending.

Yes, there were so many times whereby I battled with frustration at my horrible attention span and my obsession with day dreams as it has done me no good many a time. For example, delays in the completion of my assignments -which basically happens every freaking time, gosh knows why- or just the waste of a perfectly good and free day which I spent doing absolutely nothing productive. Then, I spend what's left of my day feeling crummy that I did nothing productive.

But, it is these little day dreams that keep em grounded and sane :) I'll admit, these few little moments I spend thinking wishfully - they are the little happy pills I pop which make my mundane and empty day seem slightly above average.

I know it seems like I'm ranting aimlessly, but I was just pondering over how much time I waste day-dreaming but after much contemplation, I've come to realised that these are what keeps me feeling hopeful when I'm having this awful day or when it all feels meaningless.

I day dream of when I'll be out holidaying with my sweeties who'll be leaving soon, when I'll be shopping or catching up with those who've left and about when he's coming back :)

I day dream of when I'll have my backpacking Euro-trip thingy with the bestie after we graduate. Oh, think about all the exciting places we'll visit! Itlay, Rome, wherever. . Of when I do visit her in the States the following year and the great Christmas and New Year's which we will hopefully be celebrating at Times Square. Oh, and visit the others who will also be studying in the States. Road trip! *hopeful grin*

And, of when I finally do get to Aussie.

I can't wait for all this.

Call me silly but it is these little things which keep me grounded and contented with my current mundane and increasingly empty life.

I am my best person when I have less on my plate

I went browsing through the blog’s archives, old blogspot and xangga. Going through them really made me feel….blank. I felt nothing. I expressed no real thoughts or opinions in any of the posts. So what was the point of blogging? All I saw were stupid unsubstantial posts with empty nothings.

I’ve always been a fairly private person. I hate the idea of people judging me. From the way I dress, to the way I write complementary with all my spelling and grammatical mistakes and what not. I guess that’s why I have never really taken blogging too seriously and really never attempted to try sitting still (long enough) to write a proper post. Not one just with frivolous pictures, but a real post where I actually genuinely penned down my thoughts. I know that by choosing to pen my thoughts down on this blog I put myself in a position up to be judged by the public (more like the few people that actually read this still). HAH!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to stop caring. I don’t want to always have to second guess myself before posting up a post because I’m afraid that people will think I’m a bad writer or that my thoughts are lame….

No matter how hard I will try to convince myself, to tell myself that I DO NOT care about people judging me, a little part of me will still be afraid to take that leap. I mean it’s just blogging, not like I’m publishing a memoirs of my life, but it’s still a big deal to me. That’s just so me. I’m a second guesser. I’m not a gambler, and I am a very private person. I’m the type of person that would rather conform than be the odd ball that sticks out. So I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I am going to attempt blogging. Not blogging as in posting up photos and writing a few lines here and there, but blogging more vocally. (Is that the right term?).

Baby steps….I am going to take baby steps with this whole blogging thing. Let’s hope it all goes well.

So here it goes.

Well, I just realized that I have about reached that time in my life where I should know what I want out in life. But I don’t. What do I want to be? Where do I see myself in say five years time? Will I be studying for my undergraduate still? Will I be doing my post-grad? Will I be employed? Will I be married? (yikes to that one). Most importantly will I be happy? I wish I had the answers to all these questions so that I can finally head into a direction that will lead me closer to what I’m supposed to be, which frankly I don’t know.

I feel so lost. I don’t even know whether I’m still in the position to be able to change my mind if say I suddenly had an epiphany of what I really wanted out in life. What if I wanted to be a chef. Can I still be a chef cause I’m already a quarter way through to getting my business degree. It feels like it’s too late to change my mind. By the way I do not want to be a chef, I was just speaking hypothetically.

I have been having on and off problems with sleeping and I guess it just feels as though there’s this huge burden on me but I don’t know how to get rid of it. I really need to make up my mind.

Why am I like this? Everybody seems to be fine with having to make this huge decision of choosing what path they want to go down. See what I meant by me being a second guesser. I always second guess everything. It’s so annoying. I’m even second guessing why I want to go to the states to finish off my degree.

As far as I could remember I have always wanted to further my studies in the States. But I never really thought about why. Now that I’m older and can think for myself I’m wondering why. The country is in such bad economic shape now and the exchange rate is getting higher and higher, is it still a good idea to go there? I know nobody that will be going to the same place as me so I’ll be all alone in god knows what state. I really don’t know. And the part about guns. I’m not going to lie to you; I am shit afraid of the guns and violence. Are all these images of gun violence we see in the movies fictionalized? I don’t know when I should transfer. This Fall? Next Spring? When is the best time? Should I consider going to Canada or Australia? I don’t know what to do anymore. What if I make the wrong decision?

All I know is that I want to finish my course at Sunway as soon as I can, but I might have to stay longer than I planned to. It’s so stupid. I still have a finance paper that I should take here in Malaysia so that I’ll save my parent’s money instead of taking it in the States but they only offer that paper in August. Sigh, sigh, sigh

Am I the only one feeling like this? The feeling of not knowing what you want is really so unsettling.

Listening to: It Means Nothing by Stereophonics

A New Beginning



Hi ppl :) We have officially moved our blog here.

After much delay, we've finally decided to start anew in blogspot. We've grown and matured since starting our xanga blog and I guess it's time for a fresh start :)

Here's to the new place where we'll spill our verbal diaorrhea, bitch, rant, and throw all our thoughts and emotions along with pictures of course.:) Our post just won't be complete without that now, will it?;)

Enjoy reading!

Love loads,

Yien & Cheryl