The Major Decision

Are we really happy and contented with our lives?

Honestly, how many people can proudly and truthfully claim that they are perfectly contented with their lives and satiated or even delighted with everything that they have and endured in their lives?

Do we strive and fight for what we want? Or do we settle?

I think there's a fine line between compromise, sacrifice and just plain settling.

Do we settle? Do we settle for second best or the next alternative instead of striving for what we really want in our life?

Unknowingly, most of us probably choose to settle. It's not narcissism nor are we putting ourselves on a pedestal by claiming that we deserve the best there is cause deep down we know what's the best we deserve. We know whether we deserve more out of our lives or not. We know whether we should settle or strive for more.

But sometimes, despite knowing that we deserve better, we choose to settle cause it's an easier way out. It's so much easier to just settle for what we have, unsatisfied as we are, than to fight and make that change in our lives.

We don't want to change because we're afraid of the consequences and we secretly hope that the change comes to us without us making any ammendments whatsoever. We feed off hope, thinking that maybe our neighbours will stop littering rubbish around our compounds without us telling them so, that a certain colleague of ours will stop bossing or picking on us without us taking a stand against them, that our parents will realise the hurt they're putting us through by fighting and bad-mouthing each other without us voicing it out, in risks of damaging relationships.

Sometimes, things just aren't as they seem to be. People aren't always who you think they are. People change and some show their true colours later on. We feel the weight of it when we realise it's causing a distance, driving us further apart from them without them realising it. Maybe it's the change or maybe you've never really opened your eyes and realised that's how they truly are.

But we make excuses for their changes or derive possibilities or reasons why they are the way they are when we realise that their actually different. We tell ourselves that it'll revert back to normal or that it'll be different cause we're afraid of confrontation. We're afraid to make that change, afraid to stand up and fight for it. We settle cause we're afraid that if we stand up, if we carry out that confrontation, things will be worse off or in some cases, things may never be as it was before that dreaded change.

We're afraid of the consequences amounting from the changes we make. We're afraid that just that mere confrontation, comprising of a few words or sentences, will cause more damage than we would have ever imagined. Most of all, we're afraid that those damages may be irreversible.

We vow to ourselves that someday, soon, we'll make those changes, confront those things hurting us but we somehow never find the courage to. It takes so much courage and the strength required if said damages were to be severe and irreverisble is unimaginable. We need them not only to deal and adapt to it but to pull ourselves up from the mess and to move on.

Having said all that, it's ironic how such a simple thing requires much contemplation and courage to execute.

So, do we make a change or settle?




Listening to : Ride by Carey Brothers

Breath in

Just to fill you guys in, I’ve been busy with my university applications, and going back and forth with deciding which University I would transfer to. In the end I decided with SUNY, University at Buffalo, New York. I’ll be leaving in about 2 months time, which is pretty soon if you think about it. Having mixed feelings with the whole having to leave home behind situation. Nevertheless, I am excited about that new chapter in my life. So so many things that I feel like blogging about, but I'll leave that for another post.

To start, here are a few (super outdated) pictures that I’ve just uploaded from my camera.

New friend Elishia and I. Elishia was down for the weekend from Singapore so I played tour guide (sort off) and took her around. We caught the movie Whiteout yesterday which was kindda weak in my opinion, nonetheless we had fun screaming at all the gorry scenes.

Picture taken in my house before we left for dinner on my birthday. My camera's flash is kindda wonky so I hardly took any photos of that night. Yien looks totally pretty here right

May Ee and I taken during Siang's birthday which was like forever ago. I miss this girl so so much. Maybe I'll fly to London on the way to New York? or you can totally come visit me in New York during Spring break. Do you guys like have Spring break in London, I don't know.

Taken during one of our GNO. I miss times like this where we have our little movie night/ cocktail hour/shopping escapades. We always have fun no matter what we do. Sucks that it might be a year's time till we actually get to this again.

It's late now. I better continue finishng up my Finance report. Hopefully I'll update real soon. Ciao!

listening to: Regina Spektor- Hero

The comeback

Hii thereee!

Wait!

Our blog is not dead . .

yet! :D

Hehe, updates soon -I hope! Till then :)




Love loads! :)






*hehe just some pics to liven up this nearly dead blog! :P*

Adjust if you must

Had my hair dyed back to black today. Not loving it.I look like a walking goth parade. Gonna give it two weeks to see whether the colour will fade to a less darker black, or whether the colour will grow on me. How??? Should I dye it to a lighter colour later on? Term holidays just started so hopefully I'll be updating more. Just short random updates. I'll try. hehe.

Gems that mean the most to us

There's been much complaints going on.

The boyfriend complains the blog lacks activity. I complain that Cheryl doesn't give the blog much activity either. (Woman, if you're reading this, it's a hint and you're on holiday) Haha, maybe not that many complaints la but yeah.

The holidays are over for me and I'm back at uni. Haha, while the holidays are just starting for Cheryl as she just had her final paper.

I miss the holidays a lot.

(To the boyfriend,)

And I thank you soo much for coming back. It meant so much to me and you've given me soo many happy days and have made my holidays really meaningful. Regardless of the little tiffs and whatnot, I'm still ever so grateful and thankful.

Thank you. <3

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On a completely random note, I did some diy stuff previously. Most would assume that I did it during my holidays but ironically enough, I did it while studying for my final papers last semester! :P

I diy-ed my plain black plastic hairband!

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I loike it, it kinda reminds me of the MAC Stylistics Compact :D

It's not perfect and has loads of imperfections when you look at it up close but when you wear it, looks fine. :)

My allocations are still not finalised.

I hate my timetable and uni. :(

Please please come quick, summer holidays.

I can't wait.

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The Countdown

There's only 4 days left.

The only thing left to do when you're confronted with a major time constraint is to maximize.

I guess I need to maximize every second I got out of these 4 days/ 96 hours/ 5760 minutes/ 345600 seconds.

Somehow . . when I picture myself counting 345600 seconds, hmm, it doesn't seem that long though.

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I hope these 4 days don't pass as quickly as the past 3 weeks had.

On another note, I'm seriously seriously dreading the start of next semester. Another 4 months or tutorials, assignments, lectures, exams and whatnot. In short, another torturous 4 months to go before my much much awaited holiday.

Guess we just have to keep moving.

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Announcement

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Ooh, this is gonna be short one as I have to, have to, get back to studying. *yes, keep repeating it like a mantra and you'll abide by it*



Guess who's back? :D










Just a lil bit moreeeee..












Gracee! Welcome back, hon! :) :)






Jing & Grace *it's insanely hard to get a decent pic of her smiling -some things never change :)*

Us 3, Janey where are youu? :( *excuse me yet again, it is very early in the morning, thus a perfectly good excuse as to why I look like that* *oh, and it's the exam period so yeah another good reason* *ohh, note grace's hair hehe, soo cute like raccoon streak :D*

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Woke up groggily at 9 something, close to 10. (Fine, maybe it wasn't that early)

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Called Jing to find out what time we were going to Grace's house to visit her. Haha, thank goodness we didn't decide to go any earlier or I'd have missed it as Jing called me a couple of times earlier at bout 9 something and haha, safe to say, I still didn't wake up. I slept through three alarms and two or three phone calls! :P

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I was pretty tired okay!

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Yeah, so we went to Grace's house to catch up and later spontaneously adjourned to Kayu for breakfast. We chatted and I asked her how did she feel the minute she stepped off the plane.

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Her answer?

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I felt this hot gush of wind at my feet and it reminded me of the shower rooms back in my dorm (in UK).

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Haha whatttt?

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Oh well, never know this could be like some cool valuable quote next time when she becomes this ultra cool, famous fashion designer and reporters ask her how she felt when she sets foot back in Malaysia after years abroad. So cool la :)

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Was really good to seeing her, it's been almost a year. (9 months) Missed her and the 4 of us. :)

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Time really flies by, doesn't it?

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Chained

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2 down, 1 to go.

Seriously, I have to restrict myself from giving up now and not giving a damn about that last paper cause I'm so damn sick of uni, papers and everything! Ugh. *rant rant, whine whine*

I've got this horrible headache now :( And I think I just screwed up my management paper :( :(

I just realised that I'm always prone to headaches during the exam periods. Seriously.

When I complained to my mom that I was having a headache *I think I was in a real whiny mood, haha sue me* , she insisted that I always get them during exams.

Haha, which is true in fact. I remember being prescribed with medication for migraine during my PMR examination period. Yeah, I was getting horrible headache spells during that period. :(

Eventually went to see the doctor and post consultation, she diagnosed me with migraine. Haha, at that time, I was like whaaattt?? I'm like 15 and I'm getting migraines?

My mom was starting to get worried what will happen to me during SPM. She was like 'Even during PMR, you're stressing so much til you have a migraine, what about your SPM?'

Oh well, I survived. :) Surprisingly, after many days of zero sleep. (I tend to not sleep during exam periods as I' m too nervous which results a zombie-like me during and post exams :P)

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Anyhoo, I've decided to take a break -for now. I've to hit the books soon and voraciously gobble down all the chapters on bloody media studies as I've still no clue about the theories/concepts on critical political economy, textual analysis and whatnot. :(

Oh oh, and I drove the other day! :D For Tien's farewell party. :)

Ookay, I've no idea why I sound so excited, I think I drive pretty often despite my firm claims that I won't ever be driving after obtaining my license!

Haha, I guess I'm just proud of myself for driving soo far and without much guidance. . Except for a short phone call to the boyfriend's brother for directions to the neighbourhood as I've very very bad memory. *shifts eyes*

Oh well, I made it there in one piece and even Cheryl & Brian were still alive and there were no screams throughout the journey. :D Except for the little panicky squeals when I almost missed the turning to Sierramas -which is not my fault, that motorcyclist was blocking me! *defensive*

Oh, and except for Brian's 'Omg, Yien you're driving on the wrong side of the road' and Cheryl's 'Omg, Yien there's a car coming!!', everything was just peachy. :D Hehe. It's not my fault okay, it looked like 2 one-way roads to me, I thought they were leading to different directions. :P

Haha, I remember once after picking up Cheryl, I was driving while struggling to push my bag aside that I accidentally turned the wheel and nearly crashed into a car parked in the parking lot. Oops.

Cheryl : Yien!! Omg be careful it's a Mercedes some more la!

Teehee.

Somehow, I seem to have bad luck with Mercedes cars. :( I remember once when I was turning out into the highway I had another near-accident with a Mercedes. This garnered super loud screams/shout from Cheryl and my sister. It was not my fault either okay, it was a blind spot and he was trying to squeeze past me!

Anyways, sorry for digressing, we made it in one piece. :)

Outfits of the day! :D

Hehe, soo cute the shoes! :D

It was alright but being there reminds of last time though..

Luckily my chain top didn't snag again though, I wore it to uni the other day and the chains snapped off cause I snagged it on something. :( Boo-hooo, I have hehe lousy sewing skills and my sewing assignments for living skills last time was never that great anyways ;P

Me, Cheryl & Justine. I haven't seen her in so long! :) *pic credits to tien, curi off his flickr hehe* Excuse me, I look very bad in this photo, boo bad face day :(

Oh, hehe and I wanted a pic of my bag. Actually, it's my sis's bag haha. *shifts eyes*

Am wearing my diy chains top and new black peplum skirt! *loves* Hehe, more on the chain top another time :)

Oh well, I should not waste another second of my self-proclaim mini rest/holiday before resuming study mode tomorrow! I badly need to get some sleep okay!

Resuming study mode! :( *excuse the bad skin and awful breakout of zits, I'm very stressed I think :( *

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Going back to our roots, for lunch

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I know, I'm not supposed to be blogging. :P


But I'm just soo bored of studying and I've recently developed this weird urge or habit of blogging. Haha, more like a phase actually.



Oh well.


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Took my mom out last Sunday for her belated birthday lunch :D We had dim sum at West Lake Garden @ Sunway hotel.



The food was not bad I guess but I still prefer the dim sum at Sheraton and the durian dessert at Sheraton Imperial! :)



I told my mom that we'd take her to Sheraton Imperial cos the food was alright the last time we went and plus it's in KL, and I love going there for some weird reason. My logic? Going somehwere far is nice, the long drive and the excuse to dress up! :D


It's not that I can't dress up on a normal basis when I'm not going somewhere as far as Kl but the fact that I'm going to KL just makes it more fun and worth it for me to dress up. Nvm, hehe I don't think I'm making much sense.



There was like a choice of buffet or ala carte but we went for ala carte instead cos my mom insisted that buffet is usually wasted on me and my sis cos we don't eat that much. Well, especially for me cos I usually save space in my tummy and attack the dessert bar/section! Hehe, I love desserts! :D


I beg to differ btw, I eat a lot okay! Especially if the food is good.




My mom and sis




My jasmine tea! Hehe soo cute right? The flower's like inside the tea :D













Oh hehe, and during lunch I started having a small coughing spell (cos I'm still a lil sick) and a group of older people sitting next to us starting shooting me dirty looks. They probably thought I had swine flu or something. Hehe, oops.







The unagi roll, which is my fav dish amongst all of them, and some almond flakes thingy with shrimp and scallop i think






*loves* Hehe i love unagi. Everytime when I'm like having sushi with Cheryl, she'd go eww when I order unagi. Haha, she hates fish. Hence, roasted eel is no exception. But then again, that's how I feel when she eats octopus. *scrunches nose*










The siew mai with scallop on top *loves* Haha, nearly everything we ordered had scallop in it. Yay :)





The waitress recommended this but it was okayy only









Some dish with asparagus and hmm, scallop I think? Haha




Some radish cake thingy I think





There was a lady playing an old chinese instrument while we were eating :)





I was taking the wine shop behind my sis but my lousy phone cam tak jadi, there is no zoom :(






The dessert. The thingy on the right is the durian puff which is pretty nice and the bowl of dessert on the left is pretty icky :( Tasted like antibiotics.





After lunch, I wanted to walk around the hotel but the lobby is soo sad. It was so empty. I mean, usually hotels have like nice deco or sprawling chandeliers or the lobby at least looks nice.




Haha, I think this might have been the most interesting deco in the lobby!







Love my belt *loves* Finally, my sis fixed it up for me :) My skirt looks alil poofy or yeah, my hips/thighs looks bigger here but that's cause I wore another layer of tutu over my skirt okay! *defensive* You can't really see it here due to my lousy phone camera :(






There!
See baby, this is how I wore my tutu skirt when I got that wtf stare from that mean old man at Mid Valley! Boo :(

Oh well, all in all, lunch was ookay only though. The food was alright but honestly, in my opinion, nothing fantastic. My fav dish was the unagi :)

And I wore my new blazer to uni today haha.

A friend saw me and she laughed and said 'Even your belt is studded!' Hehe :P



Anyways, I better go study. Haha, I've proscrastinated and put off accounting and management long enough already :( Boo.





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Oh and on a completely random note, the 24th of May, I received a lil something from Down Under :)



Thanks baby! I love you. *loves*








ps : The boyfriend has currently finished studying one subject for his finals and seems pretty confident for the rest of his subjects and I havent even finished studying half of one subject much less completed my audio-visual exam!!! Omg, how??!!




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Of stress and all the hair-pulling things



I think the title that aptly fits this whole post is probably something like DIY Project: Part 1, but I just had to emphasise on the stress of finals which is getting to me. :(


Finding out that the best grade you can achieve overall for your Film Studies class is slightly *ahem* under satisfactory is a real slap in your face.


Anyhow, shall ignore that sinking depressed feeling inside me right now. Oh, I've finished my blazer and hehe I'm so happy! Looking at it just gives me that elated feeling *loves* but (haha) that high will pass soon.


I love it but am wondering if I should purchase some more studs to do a third row as well? Hmm, what do you think?


Btw, I just realised that my blazer/jacket looks blue in the previous post! Hehe, it's white. I discovered this while talking to Jo and when I proudly showed her my blazer via Skype, she went 'Omg, I thought it was blue. It looked blue in the picture!' Oops, lousy camera lighting I guess. :P



Before:


(Omg, it is blue!)

After :

What do you think? :)


(I promise myself, I shall go study now as I've been staring at the book for the past hour or two and absolutely nothing has gone inside my head. I shall bury my head in my books as of now, till my finals.:( )

(To make matters worse, I'm getting addicted to Polyvore! When my finals are around the corner! *shifts eyes*)

On another note, big thank you to my daddy :D

*loves*

I know, it's weird wearing like a key-pendant before I'm even 21 right? (I never knew you only wore key-pendants when your 21 btw till I was told hehe)

We were at lunch today and my mom gave me a quizzical look, asking me why was I wearing a key pendant when I'm not even 21. I returned her look, and asked why whats wrong with it. She then responded that it sorta symbolises 'freedom' apparently.

Haha, I didn't know that. Well, I'm err celebrating freedom early? :P

I'm happy, don't think I've receieved much jewellery from my dad before hmm, have I?

Okay, off to hit the books now! Boo :(

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